HW 23 - Illness & Dying Book, Part 2

Assigned Book:  Mountains Over Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure the World by Tracy Kidder

Publisher: Random House, Inc.

Year Published: 2003

Thought-Provoking Quotes (Gems):

       "He would catalog what he called "the geography of blame" and the scapegoat role assigned to Haiti." (Kidder 106).

              Response:  Our government will do what it can to keep it's reputation looking pristine and untouched and so, several faults and blames are put on other countries.  For example:  The U.S. is without empathy when it had identified Haiti as a "risk group", disregarding the harm it would cause on the Haitian economy.  Assuming the degree of disregard, the U.S. government makes decisions based upon the benefits that would arise from a certain action to aid their own country and ultimately, not that of others.

       "From where he sat, Cange looked like a collection of small dwellings scattered in no particular pattern on the side of an almost treeless mountain"(Kidder 106).

              Response:  Aside from the riots and demonstrations leaving the soil of Cange colored red, the site is broken and shattered that defining its state would be difficult.  What word would suffice?

       "The rocks in the water don't know how the rocks in the sun feel" (Kidder 110).

              Response:  Will karma will take its course over time so Haitian elite will feel the suffering of the Haitian poor?  Is a government of saints enough to make reform happen?

       

Precis (Chapter 11: The Tin Roofs of Cange):

       In midst of everything, Farmer had acquainted himself with a priest names Aristide and studied the origin of AIDs, proceeding to incorporate his research into this thesis.  By then, it was 1990, and Farmer had received his Ph.D. from Harvard although he had an outstanding record of absences and was awarded permission to publicize his thesis.  Still militant in his efforts to lift oppression off the Haitian poor, Farmer had trouble disconnecting himself from the many faces and past events he saw and experienced in the hospital rooms.

Thoughts:

       How much can our brains keep track of the faces of healthy and sick people?  I'm amazed at the capacity at which Farmer can hold a great number of faces solid in his mind.  With so many memories filled with gore, I don't think I would be able to face the corruption and blood-ridden world without being a mere bystander.  I wonder if compassion and determination are enough to save a people from complete devastation?  Farmer has a mnemonic structure where he remembers all faces and the mere stuffed animals placed in a patient's hospital room to remember a thousands of ailments.  I don't believe I could ever carry the burden of not being able to cure someone of a disease and have their face branded into my mind.  It's a scary thought to be the middle man between death and life.  I'm grateful to have not been in this situation.  My view of life and death is very obscure compared to that of Farmer.  Having seen several die from the worst of diseases, Farmer is nonetheless never depressed, a concept I am unable to fathom.  The hope Farmer holds within his efforts and Partners of Health organization gives me hope that there are other doctors in the world that are as willing as he is to rid the world of diseases and deaths.  I wonder as to why doctors dedicate their lives to saving and curing people, is it because they want to be reassured that their power is enough to evade death?  Or do they seek a sharp slap in the face to remind them of the reality of life?

HW 21B

For Kevin,

I really liked the first two topic sentence of your first paragraph: " There is a time where you have to let go. I totally agree with this idea. Nothing lasts forever. Yes, cliché, but also true." This went well in bringing the readers attention to Beth's story. Your post is very straightforward and, I applaud you because death is a difficult topic to write about because ultimately, death is vague as living humans have never experienced it. I'd like it if you had introduced your body paragraphs the same way you did for your introduction. Your transition from paragraph to paragraph is somewhat in a logical order but, try to structure your paragraphs so every topic sentence correlates to the main point you are trying to convey. There are some grammatical errors here and there. One thing to keep in mind is to remember this is a somewhat formal post; the use of the word "So" might not always be sufficient in starting out sentences.

For Amber,

Modality: (Depth and Insight)

Amber,

Your post most definitely demonstrates your eye for key points. The most beautiful and insightful part about your writing would have to be one of your concluding questions: "When we die it is usually said that we go to a better place, so why aren’t we excited about dying and escaping from this obstacle course called life?" Such a thought-provoking question surely deserve recognition. I agree that it's strange how we complain about the hardships of life but, are defensive and ambivalent when it comes our time to part from life itself. The last sentence of your post was admittedly cliche and it would only benefit your writing if you were to have offered an alternative perspective, essentially a cliff hanger for a reader to trigger their interest in exploring the realms of death.

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From Spencer (Younger Person),

I really like what you said about death, "Death is considerably taboo, as it is sacred and words about the deceased are almost, in a way, forbidden." I feel that death is a taboo topic not only because people want to be conscious of others' emotions, but because people are afraid of dying themselves.

From Kevin (T/W team, person from class), 

First of all, good blog post. I enjoyed reading about your interpretations of Beth's insights, and some of your own. I think that there were a lot of parts of your post where you showed good perspective and insight,such as these lines "When the death of someone we care about occurs, we subconsciously think about how this death with affect our own stability without their presence. We push their once potential-filled life into the gutter only to seek the optimum way to buffet with our mourning and sorrow." That is really deep and original, and really shows your perspective and what you are about. I would love to see more of this throughout your posts. While there was a lot of good perspective, There were times where you started to talk about an experience that you have had, and just kind of ended your idea. "Having been in the hospital a few months ago to visit an ill family member, I feel that the presence of beauty and pain had never revealed it self, however, it was there nonetheless." I feel as if you could have elaborated more there. I like the line, I just think it could have been followed up better. Overall, good post, keep up the good work.

From Amber (T/W team, person from class),

It was nice to read your blog post; you have many insightful things to say. You asked me to give you feedback by reading your blog post through the modality of proofreading. Overall your blog post was interesting to read, but I felt like you had many long sentences. Maybe if you can cut some sentences shorter, or just keep everything short and concise. You were using a lot of commas throughout your sentences which to me signals that your sentences are getting too long. There were times where I felt the need to catch my breath. Next time I would advise you to use semi colons, in place of some of the commas. Try to let the reader know everything you are trying to say but in a shorter form. Other than that I felt like you did a good job. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, which is good. It was interesting to hear your thoughts about Beth's presentation. 

From Pam (Mentor) ,

This part is beautifully written: "In explaining the event in which she had seen her father die, Beth, with a slight quiver in her voice, had mentioned that even when the time to set our worries and tears free from our conscience, hospitals place white curtains over our eyes, shielding what we should be able to face." You do an amazing job of making me question my previously-held notion that people who want to die at home are truly selfish. When my grandmother was near death in the hospital, she expressed a wish to die at home and all I could see was how much more difficult that would be for my dad. Your blog makes me question that, and look back on that situation wondering if anything would have change if it was handled differently.

HW 22 - Illness & Dying Book Part 1

Assigned Book:  Mountains Over Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure the World by Tracy Kidder
Publisher: Random House, Inc.
Year Published: 2003


Thought-Provoking Quotes: (Gems)
     "The world is full of miserable places.  One way of living comfortably is not to think about them or, when you do, to send money" (Kidder 8).
            Response: This concept or rather, a way of pushing the hardships of other countries to the back of our minds is selfish.  We'd like to think that money will make everything better but, while we sit in our comfy chairs and sip some wine, miserable places won't be freed of famine.  However, the money offered as a helping hand embodies a good intent but, in reality how many pieces of paper that hold no intrinsic value keep a third-world country stable?
     "In Haiti, Farmer told me...25 percent of the Haitians die before they reach forty. 'It's because there's a near famine there'" (Kidder 25).
            Response:  Even the greatest and the most prodigious amounts of medicines cannot conquer famine.  Farmer's two hands can only heal a number a people.
     "In 1987, the army's paramilitaries had massacred scores of voters at polling places, aborting what would have been the first democratic elections in Haiti's history" (Kidder 105).
            Paraphrase: Though efforts have been made to improve Haiti, reform isn't imminent.

Precis: (Pages 25-40)
       Farmer is the essence of miracles, becoming nearly a god to the people of Haiti.  Haitians hold a sort of faith in Farmer, however, Farmer cannot allow himself to acknowledge himself the way the Haitian community does because of the extent to which his medical skills and resources can uphold.  The world's problems cannot be fixed without cost to the abbetor.

Thoughts:
       It's not far off to say that I am extremely ignorant of the hardships of Third-World countries.  In the back of my mind, I'd like to think I could help or offer a helping hand but, there's only so many things a 16 year old, without an income or a job of her own, can do.  Farmer who is ambivalent about selling his services to places who cannot afford them, sacrifices his time to devote his life to healing the poor in Haiti.  This is without a doubt a difficult task to live up to, one that I don't think I could ever be capable of taking up.  Admittedly, I am selfish, I take many things for granted, and when an ad on the television comes on about helping Haiti children, there are times I turn away, guilty.  What can this rectangular piece of green paper do for a Haitian family?  Can my pathetic attempt to help reach across the seas?  Farmer embraces the death but, also medicines that can help to conquer AIDs, gangrene, and TB.  I, on the other hand, cannot embrace the consequences of death and for that, I am unable to feel the pride in helping a Third World country.  To make myself feel less guilty, I tell myself, "Currency with no intrinsic value or the most effective medicines cannot always save or rescue a person from the hands of death."  In writing out my thoughts, I feel as if I have come to grips with how I attempt to push away my own guilty conscience.

HW 21 - Expert #1

Important Insights and Experiences from Guest Speaker:
1. As adolescents, we have been shielded by the beauty and gruesomeness of death.  Hospitals curtain and sanitize the pain our loved ones feel.
2.  It's important to look past an ill patient's sickness and see them as a person with a colorful and productive past, deserving of compassion and good lasting moments with family and loved ones.
3.  Being alive and having loved ones die first may be the most painful experience because you are watching them wither away while you too, wither away but, at a slower pace.  Dying first would allow you to not go through the pain of seeing another die.

       Having been offered Beth's intimate details about her experiences dealing with death, I certainly gained new insight on the realms in which one enters when his or her's loved one dies.  Death is considerably taboo, as it is sacred and words about the deceased are almost, in a way, forbidden.  This is a concept I have become fond of over the years, as this conversation in class was intense and foreign to me.  In explaining the event in which she had seen her father die, Beth, with a slight quiver in her voice, had mentioned that even when the time to set our worries and tears free from our conscience, hospitals place white curtains over our eyes, shielding what we should be able to face.  When she was able to take care of her husband 24-7 in the comfort of her home, she had experienced the most intimate and beautiful moments of her life.  On the other hand, the cold and windowless walls of a hospital bedroom connote the sense of detachment and lack of emotion that overwhelms the air, essentially sanitizing and monitoring our own emotions by not allowing us to see suffering and the gruesomeness of death.  After a white sheet is pulled over a dead body, leaving the last breath almost a whisper, the chance to embrace "a warmth left in the body before rigor mortis takes over" is gone.  Having been in the hospital a few months ago to visit an ill family member, I feel that the presence of beauty and pain had never revealed it self, however, it was there nonetheless.
       Admittedly, finding beauty in death is a difficult task.  However identifying the pity I feel when in the presence of an ill person is an easy task for me unfortunately.  Although pity disgusts me, I'd be lying if I proclaimed that I have never participated in the act of pitying another.  Beth had spoke about the need to see past a person's illness and realize that they too posses a past with eventful experiences.  Her placing Erik's paintings all around the hospital room did not emanate his position as a terminal patient but rather, a human being with children to be proud of, collections of masterful art works, and the strong will of a fighter.  Seeing past one's present state to explore one's achievements not only creates mutual feelings of respect but of love.  My stroking hand on my once sick cousin's shoulder, serving as a comforting factor now seems condescending and almost full of pity. To see past an illness, is to perceive a person as if their sickness never came about, possibly subsiding the inevitable factor that the end of loved one's time on earth is imminent.
       The idea that dying first may be less painful because the sight of others dying first may be a bit more overwhelming in that the ability to reverse the death of others is impossible and so, the apperception of their suffering is unavoidable is understandable.  Reflecting on this concept, I have found that this concept or rather, way of thinking, is selfish.  When the death of someone we care about occurs, we subconsciously think about how this death with affect our own stability without their presence.  We push their once potential-filled life into the gutter only to seek the optimum way to buffet with our mourning and sorrow.  It's strange to think that many people spend a generous amount of time mourning but, yet they question: "How will I live without them?"

19 - Family Perspectives on Illness & Dying

       It was odd and uncomfortable to randomly ask my mother about what she thought about illness and dying.  Sitting on the beige colored couch, my mother tilted her head for a moment and gave a very straight forward answer, which was expected because this was not the first time I had ever talked about death with her.  "We all experience illness and death at one point in time.  We all die, it's a part of life you have to accept" she said nonchalantly.  Hearing this, I imagined the words as if they were that of an actor's, scripted and practiced many times.  I've heard this response one too many times and it serves as cliche but, most cliches are indeed true, including this one.
       Cliches about death and illnesses live on forever through the internet, books, and stories.  We have all learned that death is something everyone experiences yet, we fear it as if the idea were foreign.  Our fear drives society to educate aspiring adolescents and encourage them to become doctors, surgeons, and nurses, essentially the middle men in between life and death, whose jobs are to prevent illness.  With thousands of new medicines arriving in the market, we can begin to question our perception of medicine's importance. Looking forward to pursue a career in pharmacy, I have already discussed with my mother the importance of medicine in healing those who are ill.  Having given her the basics of allopathic versus holistic medicines, I asked my mother which of the two she had preferred.  A furrow in her brow, my mother pointed out the heath stimulating factor in which maybe holistic medicines such as herbs can provide security, extinguishing the need to worry about the side effects of a medicine with chemicals.  As helpful as herbs may seem to be, the extent to which herbs can heal cannot reach that of allopathic medicines and so, different factors can determine the virtue of a certain medicine.  Realizing the rational nature of my mother, I was surprised to see the contradictions in her response to my questions though, answering such a  question is difficult considering the several variables.
       After ending the discussion with my mother, I had realized I had already known what my mother would have answered in response to my questions.  This itself had demonstrated how my mothers views of how to deal with illness and dying directly influence how I approach the same things.  However, having been born in a different generation than my parents, my view of medicine is considerably different.  I am fond of the idea of allopathic medicines as prescribed medicines are much more common than they were about 50 years ago.  Solutions for colds, coughs, and congested noses have become more accessible and so, my desire to drink some herbal tea over having a measured dose of Robitussin has died down.  Encouraging me to consume as little medicine as possible, my mother is strict in educating me the importance of health and self-worth of the body.  As my mother's generation's approach to illness and dying overlap with that of my own generation's, I can conclude that allopathic and holistic medicines, both serving to deviate from the path of death, have both advantages and disadvantages.

HW 18 - Health & Illness & Feasting

       My family does not celebrate Thanksgiving and so attempting to elaborate on the anti-body and body-centered practices of this holiday would be ultimately futile.  However, physicality plays into my life willingly whether it pertains to a holiday or just a regular day.  As we are the generation of technology, we have started to depend on phones and computers to communicate, a task performable by the simple vibrations of a human's voice box.  Entering this anti-body world, we've become less comfortable with our bodies.
       My sister, an avid member of this world, cannot accept the fact that she is addicted to texting though my mild accusations make a weak attempt to convince her otherwise.  When I try to get my sister's attention by calling her name, she ignores me and shoos me away claiming she "couldn't hear" me.  Yet, when the sound of her vibrating phone reaches her ears, she springs, without hesitating, to her phone to check her new text messages.  My sister argues she enjoys the effortlessness of texting and would rather not have to go through the trouble of making plans just to talk.  This lack of movement that my sister prefers is present in the event of dying and so I wonder, why, as human beings capable of several abilities, do we attempt to come close to death by discarding our abilities using "simplistic" technologies and fear death at the same time?
       In the event of death, people begin to reconnect with their bodies realizing its significance.  When sickness comes into play, one's well-being is at risk and neither anti-body or body-centered practices can be carried out.  Having been at the hospital only a small number of times, I have seen people embrace their loved ones stretched out onto beige colored beds, gently stroking the loved one's arm.  Though they could have just texted, "I love you.  I hope you get well" but, instead chose to do otherwise offers me a theory:  when something influential, in this case detrimental, occurs, one is willing to abandon their once beloved modern world of phones even if its only for a day.  A harsh and a bit sad statement to make but, true nonetheless.  The heat emanating from a human hand is considerably more comforting than the cold touch of a plastic cellphone.  The comforting hand a family member offers to his or hers loved one is a sign of a body-centered practice.  In conclusion, we subconsciously accept all the practices involving physicality.

HW 17 - First Thoughts on the Illness & Dying Unit

       I think I have already accepted death as inevitable.  The entirety of it is scary and unwelcoming.  When I was young, my parents had told me blatantly that my cousin died in the 9/11 plane crash.  I didn't know how to react but, one thing is for sure, I didn't cry or mourn.  Had I cried, would I have reached some level of enlightenment?  Had I mourned, would relatives at a dinner held years after his death  realize that his death had not made me break down?  As an avid television watcher, the role that which a family member plays when another dies is repetitive and plays out the same way and so, I had felt the way I had reacted was unusual.  I'm not sure what to make out of this day though, I remember evading what had happened by merely trying to forget.  Though this evasion had not done much to better my understanding of death.  It was night time and my family and I had just walked through glass doors into a vaguely familiar restaurant for a family get together.  I had forgotten about my cousins death by then and I'm ashamed to say so.  I had asked his mother where he was and mentioned his name and by no mistake, I felt the sharp sting of her slap.  His name was fresh in my mouth and I had no idea what I had done wrong at the time.  But, that changes nothing and what's in the past is in the past.  Extremely cliche but, these words made a weak attempt to explain how I feel right about now.
       After re-reading what I previously wrote out of habit, I had realized that I had not mentioned my cousin's actual name.  Does this directly correlate to what had happened the last time I spoke of his name?  Probably, given the situation, it's considerable.  About 2 years after this incident, my neighbor had committed suicide.  The memory of this day is vivid and the feeling of my heartache is slightly present.  I asked the police officer what happened with the eyes of a most innocent child and expectedly, he hesitantly responded.  The word suicide was still vague.  Then after, I hadn't spoken a word about the body I had seen on the white stretcher or his voice I had heard only hours earlier.  The void feeling of nothing that overwhelms me when someone dies makes me feel shameful of my lack of intense emotion or desire to cry.  This may be my way of coping with the idea of death seeing as the feeling of void was present in the two previous events that had occurred in my life.
       I'm not sure what happens after death.  I've given a good amount of thought thinking about it.  Death isn't something I am looking forward to because of the many scenarios of death popping up on the news channel, newspaper, and television series.  Through the media, I have seen people pitying the dead and pity disgusts me in many cases.  I don't think pity is a sufficient way to deal with death probably because I have an immense stubbornness when someone questions my potential and whole-heartedly pities me.  I digress but, death has always been put out to been horrendous, terribly sad, maybe even cartoonish.  After death, the ability to think is gone now that the brain is not functional and so I wonder what would be my last thoughts when I die?  Would my thoughts finish or be cut off by the end of my being on this terra?  Retiring to the events that had made an impact on my perspective of death, I am unsure as to why I chose to offer anecdotes to demonstrate how I approach the notion of death.  Replaying these events in my mind, now that I am older and considerably more knowledgeable, I don't think my understanding of death has become anymore clear but, instead has just become a blur that won't rub off on a pristine camera lens.  And it's terribly strange to me as to our ability to elaborate on the idea of death is unlimited in words and thoughts even though we have not yet experienced it.  But, somehow I feel that death is close at hand and fear is what drives me to avoid it.