HW 44 - Comments on Other Peoples' Blogs

For Martyna (Classmate),

• I thought your presentation/poster was awesome.  The colors did birth justice as it is truly a miracle.  You draw an abstract representation of birth and represent the usual boring phrases, "as the birth progressed, the contractions get stronger" with a red tube that zig zags and gets bigger as it progresses to the right of the poster.  You strive to create a visual of the process of birth with the help of anecdotes from your family friend.  You clearly describe what Pitocin, Cesarean Section, and Epidurals are capable of doing.
• I appreciate that you chose to do something creative.  I have not yet seen anyone make a poster, even when the option was available.  The visuals really help further your story/timeline.  The timeline was helpful and extremely structured.  I value the fact that you were able to make the clear connections between your story and drawings.
• Your project matters to me because I am a woman, capable of giving birth.  Once I am old enough, I will want to have a baby.  It's important, to me, to know what the effects of pitocin are and the possible complications of a cesarean section.  This knowledge would be helpful in the event that I want to create a birth plan or acknowledge when my obstetrician or midwife makes a suggestion rather than thinking it was a necessary course of action to take.
• I wish you had gone into more depth about how investigating birth was important to you.  Although it was easy to understand the ideas you were trying to get across, I could not identify the intent in your choosing to do this project.
• Great Work! I wish I could have done something like this to make my project more aesthetically pleasing.  

For Chris (Classmate),

• It's no surprise that I ended up here, reading your investigative project.  Your speech was truly engaging and funny.  It's clear from the very start of your writing piece that you wanted to investigate the aspects of hospital birth and the reasons for your interest, which was purely curiosity.  You point out that most the medical procedures are taken in favor of both the doctors and the mothers to build on the reader's prior knowledge.  With the mountains of percentages and statistics, you evaluated which of the information you collected was in fact true or false.  
• I admire that although you have a prodigious amount of statistics, you don't immediately dive into that.  You take your time explaining your intent in conducting your experiential/investigative project.  One aspect of the post that I really valued was Lori Rosello's M.D. response to your questions.  It's not everyday that a hospital staff member would openly answer questions because of fear of losing their job if he or she says something detrimental to the hospital's reputation.  I thought when you asked about whether it was acceptable for a child to be born in a place where people would go to essentially meet their death was interesting.  Rosello jumped to defend the hospital, saying that they kept the sick away from the mothers and newborns.  I thought that was particularly interesting...I wasn't sure if she said what she said in due part to her strong conviction or because she wanted to keep her job safe.
• Your project matters to me because you present hospital birth and its aspects without the intention of inducing fear.  I've always been told anecdotes of the terrifying hospitals with its long epidural needles and excruciating surgical procedures.  You mention loads of percentages and information with the intentions of informing.  I find that being unbiased is difficult and you've achieved that somewhat in this investigative project.  
• By taking a quick glance at your writing, I can already pin point the numbers jumping out at me.  I wish you had cited your sources using MLA citations because all the information you provided would be solid.  There are small points in your paper which give me the slightest tick - for example in the first paragraph, line 19, you say "dominate practice" when you mean to say "dominant practice."  It's little errors like these that tick the best of us therefore, proofreading would only benefit you.  Also, more analysis!  I would have been more engaged as I was during your speech if you had made a more clear connection between how and why learning about hospital birth was important to you.
• I feel as if I was robbed of the excitement you induced while you talked about getting chased out of Babies R' Us because the video was less eventful than you had described it to be but, props for using such description as a catalyst to invite people to read your blog.  Thanks for your work!

For Abdul (Thinking/Writing Teammate),

• Your post was certainly informative and interesting to read.  You start out by giving an objective view point of how both hospital and home birth have its risks and benefits.  However, you ease into your core argument that it should not be about what is most convenient and best for the doctor but, what is best for the mother in labor.  Such aspects have much more importance than a group of people arguing their stance even when the group is not participating in giving birth.  
• I valued the fact that you provided substantial information and statistics regarding the ridiculous aspects of our birthing industry.  I had known that giving birth in a hospital cost money but, I didn't know the approximate cost.  $13,000 is big number and I'm sure every woman has to spend a great deal of time thinking about what other expenses may come in the future.  I also valued that you made this project somewhat personal by talking to your grandmother about it.  I, for one, would never have had the motivation to talk to my own grandmother, simply because I'd imagine the conversation to be incredibly awkward.  
• Your project matters to me because you express sincere concern for the woman's role in the birthing process.  It's clear that your intentions as a writer and an informer were to persuade us of a certain stance instead of being objective.  I feel respected as a woman because you argue what I would probably argue if someone were to go against my wishes if I were to give birth.  I also admire the fact that you went out of your way to interview the people around you.
• Your project definitely had its strong points - your quotes and evidence, among other things, demonstrate that.  I noticed a few mistakes here and there in your paper so, I'd say that proofreading your work once or twice would only clarify your point and make your argument more concise and coherent.  In your first paragraph, you mention "The obgyn....more safe" (line 6).  You should never assume that the reader has prior knowledge of what your discussing.  OBGYN is an abbreviation for obstetrician and from my knowledge, not everyone knows this - I know I did not before we started the birth unit.  You list a lot of statistics but, they lack analysis.  I wouldn't go as far as to say that there was no analysis at all but, investigating the emotional aspects of the statistics, I believe, would be well worth your while.  
• Aside from that, I enjoyed reading your writing piece.  The ending "If I had a home birth, you might not be here grateful Abdul."  It might've been a tad cliche but, I happen to like cliches, for they are understood by most and are worded in a way that is considered clever.  Thank you for your work!  It has always been a pleasure to read your work - I look forward to future insights.

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FROM MENTOR AND PROTEGE

From Alina, (Protege)

Bianca, I really enjoyed reading your blog. I think you have a very strong argument in your last paragraph, where you make a very good job of presenting us with an argument as to why it is impossible to understand everyone.

"I could spend months, maybe years, trying to understand why some people believe abortion is right or wrong. The unfortunate truth is that I will never be able to fully understand. The best we can ever do, as humans who are capable of observing and evaluating, is to slowly unfold the creases of the reasons we place behind our conceptions."
Abortion,is an interesting and powerful topic, which has made people argue for as long as its idea existed and it is indeed very interesting to observe how peoples' opinions vary and why there is no way to fully dissect these opinions. The best we can do is indeed, observe and evaluate. You make your opinion clear and your examples support it very well.

Also, after reading your blog, it really made me put myself in perspective and try to evaluate myself from another point of view - one other than my own.
"Was this the conformity that struck Alina as it had Matt? As liberal as NYC may be, could it be that being part of the crowd was easier than to defend one's actual belief? "
This made me indeed wonder where my beliefs come from and explore whether or not it was really easier to give into the society's ideas than stand up for my own. Your point is very thought provoking and it allowed me to try and be somewhat unbiased and dig deeper into the roots of my ideas.
Keep up the good job, your post was very striking and captivating at the same time, as it could make one think. It was also well written and to the point, which made it interesting.


From Stephanie (Substitute Mentor),
I like that you pointed out the difficulty in determining whether or not abortion is right or wrong. I like that you also talked about how peoples opinion on abortion is based on their cultural background, religious background and social environment. Being able to understand different peoples perspectives, allows people to be less biased.

I would suggest you offer your take on the questions you asked at the end of your paper. I also think it would be nice if you define what right and wrong means to you and what it means to others because people have different perspectives on the meaning of the word.