I wish I could express more empathy with this post but, I have not had as many care of the dead experiences as you have had. Nonetheless, I admire your courage to describe how you felt while looking at your grandfather's dead body in line 9 of paragraph 1, "Looking at him in the coffin was so unnatural just by the fact it wasn't 'him'. When I visited him in the hospital and saw his body there, it was completely different seeing him all dressed up." I would've have liked your writing much more if you had defined what unnatural was and gave your reasoning for putting the word him in quotation marks. Why was the dead body no longer the person you once you knew? This is an important question to answer because it puts the reader in perspective on terms of the definitions you establish, which will make your thoughts more concise.
In light of other aspects of your posts, I like the fact that you bring up several interesting questions. However, instead of listing one after another, spend some time focusing on one specific question so your thoughts are more insights than bubbles.
One thing that I must stress is Proofreading. Proofreading will do wonders to writing. Little grammatical errors will do no justice to your writing so, please watch out for those small errors (i.e. basic punctuation, spelling mistakes, and incorrect noun usage) - Clarify who you are talking about in each sentence, "then"is vague when a group of people is not mentioned before the "then." Also, work on your transitions so your writing is more coherent.
Nice work. I hope that you take my feedback to heart and I'll be glad to read your future posts.
For Abdul (T/W Group Member),
Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine that your emotions at the age of 9 were very raw and influential. I've actually never heard a story quite like the one you mentioned in your first paragraph. The act of going to another's house to choose mementos seems odd to me...I wonder why you chose to use "clean up" as a euphemism - it would have been interesting if you had explained why you subconsciously used the euphemism. I really liked your use of detail in line 7 of paragraph 1, "That was the last time I ever saw him alive. Now while in school doing a play called Little Shop Of Horrors I got a notice to leave immediately and go straight home." You created a clear scene in my mind that somehow seems very familiar but I am not sure why.
I feel as if I can connect to the whole concept of having to be struck with news of a dying relative as a young adolescent. All that seems to be necessary to do is to cry over and over. Please clarify this sentence: "If you see one you should call the cops immediately, and that they can never come back to life in their physical bodies again." It doesn't make sense to me according to the context of the short paragraph written.
Although vague, the $11,000 you mentioned was interesting. To think that giving peace to the dead would be priceless - who thought? The number certainly was thought-provoking and you should've furthered your ideas on that topic. You could've asked yourself: "What makes the seeing off of the dead worth the $11,000 cost? When does the cost become negligible?"
----Great Post. I look forward to reading more of your work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Ly (Substitute T/W Group Member),
I understand about your mom and her being into "wholeness". My family would agree with her, but to a different degree.
In Vietnam, we have a small dinner to moan for the dead. One for EACH. A bit weird, but it seemed more like a party, a celebration to me. And this goes with their funerals were super-colorful.
Anyway, at the end of the day, my mom always burned paper that looked like money, clothes, shoes, motorcycle (!), etc. The things that we use when we are alive. And one significant point if that she emphasis on burning EVERYTHING, a whole. We believe that what is broken on this side, will be fixed on the other.
I agree with you on the point “What qualifications must a human intervention fit? When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I guess the answer to this would differ for everyone because it would depends on where they are from, how they were raised, etc.
This leads me to my suggestions to make your article better.
I would like a more clear opinion of yours on how the dead should be treated?
With such polarized idea about treating the dead between your mom and sister, which do you think has a more pull?
Have you ever thought about how a person interpreted and inherited history impacted their opinion?
Overall, I like how you use two generation, that is your mom and sister, to give their opinion about something that has existed as long as....you get the idea. In addition, it sort of imply on how people minds evolved over time and how the dead will be treated in the future.
From Davendra (Substitute T/W Group Member),
I like the fact that you interviewed your family. As you said it gave you a chance to see a bit into the Chinese culture. I also had a small look into it as well. I find it interesting how culture influences one's views of something like caring for the dead. I also found the difference between the response of your mother and sister interesting. It was nice to see the how answers differ between generation.
I like one of the questions you raised in your last paragraph. "When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I believe it would be interesting to investigate into this.
Like Alina had said I think it would be interesting to see your views on cremation and burial and how your family, and cultural position influence that.
From Henry (Mentor),
As always, I think you did a great job in analyzing your interviewees thought process and their beliefs behind what they were saying. The questions you ask are really insightful and make me think about how your post can be related to my own life.
"My mother describes this safe place to be a nice resting area – one that is forever in the ownership of the dead. To me, forever is a word that should not be used lightly because it carries a sort of high hope. However, forever promises a more ungraspable desire than a materialistic one."
I think the short excerpt from your post that I pasted above really says a lot about the many ways of interpreting one particular thing. It not only creates a contrast between the way different people can interpret burial, but also between the ways that people can interpret "forever". I liked that a lot and it made me think of my convictions on a different level.
The part of your blog that I could relate to the most was the ideas your sister was presenting you with, as I do agree with her on certain things, i.e. not thinking of cremation as a negative thing or her view on how burial is actually an intervention by the human race. Even though I have never had anyone in my family or as far as I know, distant ancestry cremated, I remain with the belief that it does not have to be seen as an ugly thing and can on the contrary, be seen as something beautiful.
I would like to hear what your thoughts on cremation and burial are and how your mother and sister have influenced your beliefs in your life.
The things you write about are inspiring, keep up the work!
I feel as if I can connect to the whole concept of having to be struck with news of a dying relative as a young adolescent. All that seems to be necessary to do is to cry over and over. Please clarify this sentence: "If you see one you should call the cops immediately, and that they can never come back to life in their physical bodies again." It doesn't make sense to me according to the context of the short paragraph written.
Although vague, the $11,000 you mentioned was interesting. To think that giving peace to the dead would be priceless - who thought? The number certainly was thought-provoking and you should've furthered your ideas on that topic. You could've asked yourself: "What makes the seeing off of the dead worth the $11,000 cost? When does the cost become negligible?"
----Great Post. I look forward to reading more of your work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Ly (Substitute T/W Group Member),
I understand about your mom and her being into "wholeness". My family would agree with her, but to a different degree.
In Vietnam, we have a small dinner to moan for the dead. One for EACH. A bit weird, but it seemed more like a party, a celebration to me. And this goes with their funerals were super-colorful.
Anyway, at the end of the day, my mom always burned paper that looked like money, clothes, shoes, motorcycle (!), etc. The things that we use when we are alive. And one significant point if that she emphasis on burning EVERYTHING, a whole. We believe that what is broken on this side, will be fixed on the other.
I agree with you on the point “What qualifications must a human intervention fit? When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I guess the answer to this would differ for everyone because it would depends on where they are from, how they were raised, etc.
This leads me to my suggestions to make your article better.
I would like a more clear opinion of yours on how the dead should be treated?
With such polarized idea about treating the dead between your mom and sister, which do you think has a more pull?
Have you ever thought about how a person interpreted and inherited history impacted their opinion?
Overall, I like how you use two generation, that is your mom and sister, to give their opinion about something that has existed as long as....you get the idea. In addition, it sort of imply on how people minds evolved over time and how the dead will be treated in the future.
From Davendra (Substitute T/W Group Member),
I like the fact that you interviewed your family. As you said it gave you a chance to see a bit into the Chinese culture. I also had a small look into it as well. I find it interesting how culture influences one's views of something like caring for the dead. I also found the difference between the response of your mother and sister interesting. It was nice to see the how answers differ between generation.
I like one of the questions you raised in your last paragraph. "When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I believe it would be interesting to investigate into this.
Like Alina had said I think it would be interesting to see your views on cremation and burial and how your family, and cultural position influence that.
From Henry (Mentor),
While there is no single line that I believe can be called the greatest, I think that a very thought provoking thing for me is looking at these two together: "Cremation promises only ashes to be put in an urn – one that has no specific or permanent place on earth," and "Stephanie reasons that if we manifest love and have a desire to provide a seeing off for our dead loved ones, the act of disposing of the body is no longer a human intervention." These two lines sum up the ideas of the two interviewees and, upon examination, are opposite of the views that I not only hold in my own mind, but what I have always assumed are held by the majority.
This of course made me think. As you mentioned, your mothers ideas are based on the culture she came from, but of course children base their ideas of of those of their parents, leading to Stephanie's ideas. I say this simply because while you portray the ideas as different, to someone like me they seem completely similar. I don't believe in any sort of heaven, soul, reincarnation, etc. Because of this (which is most plausibly based on my parent's atheistic/agnostic beliefs), I view dead bodies as simply that - lifeless hunks of meat left to the closest relation to deal with. As soon as brain waves stop, there is no longer any personality contained with that physical form. And because of that, I believe that no action is any more moral than the next in terms of taking care of the dead body.
To see that, in your family, at least 2 members believe that there are certain restrictions on what defines human intervention and whether human intervention is wrong or not is extraordinary to me.
One thing that would make this post a bit more interesting would be analysis of the standards in various places. I would like to see how the dead are normally treated in the birth countries of each interviewee to compare their ideas on death to.
The thoughts I most agree with are displayed in paragraph two of your analysis. You talk about burial being not just for the dead, but for the people who have to deal with the dead. This is what I believe all burial is based on. Even in your mothers ideas about death, the reason that she cares about a person being buried in the proper manner, I would assume, is so that she can feel happy to know that this wholeness was maintained. I don't mind that people are buried for this, because it makes the bury-ers feel satisfied. I believe that all rituals are based around this idea of closure with the dead.
This of course made me think. As you mentioned, your mothers ideas are based on the culture she came from, but of course children base their ideas of of those of their parents, leading to Stephanie's ideas. I say this simply because while you portray the ideas as different, to someone like me they seem completely similar. I don't believe in any sort of heaven, soul, reincarnation, etc. Because of this (which is most plausibly based on my parent's atheistic/agnostic beliefs), I view dead bodies as simply that - lifeless hunks of meat left to the closest relation to deal with. As soon as brain waves stop, there is no longer any personality contained with that physical form. And because of that, I believe that no action is any more moral than the next in terms of taking care of the dead body.
To see that, in your family, at least 2 members believe that there are certain restrictions on what defines human intervention and whether human intervention is wrong or not is extraordinary to me.
One thing that would make this post a bit more interesting would be analysis of the standards in various places. I would like to see how the dead are normally treated in the birth countries of each interviewee to compare their ideas on death to.
The thoughts I most agree with are displayed in paragraph two of your analysis. You talk about burial being not just for the dead, but for the people who have to deal with the dead. This is what I believe all burial is based on. Even in your mothers ideas about death, the reason that she cares about a person being buried in the proper manner, I would assume, is so that she can feel happy to know that this wholeness was maintained. I don't mind that people are buried for this, because it makes the bury-ers feel satisfied. I believe that all rituals are based around this idea of closure with the dead.
As always, I think you did a great job in analyzing your interviewees thought process and their beliefs behind what they were saying. The questions you ask are really insightful and make me think about how your post can be related to my own life.
"My mother describes this safe place to be a nice resting area – one that is forever in the ownership of the dead. To me, forever is a word that should not be used lightly because it carries a sort of high hope. However, forever promises a more ungraspable desire than a materialistic one."
I think the short excerpt from your post that I pasted above really says a lot about the many ways of interpreting one particular thing. It not only creates a contrast between the way different people can interpret burial, but also between the ways that people can interpret "forever". I liked that a lot and it made me think of my convictions on a different level.
The part of your blog that I could relate to the most was the ideas your sister was presenting you with, as I do agree with her on certain things, i.e. not thinking of cremation as a negative thing or her view on how burial is actually an intervention by the human race. Even though I have never had anyone in my family or as far as I know, distant ancestry cremated, I remain with the belief that it does not have to be seen as an ugly thing and can on the contrary, be seen as something beautiful.
I would like to hear what your thoughts on cremation and burial are and how your mother and sister have influenced your beliefs in your life.
The things you write about are inspiring, keep up the work!
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