This is an impressively organized and written project; every quote you included was relevant and beneficial to your exploration. You incorporated them very well by introducing them and explaining how they relate to your point about the morality of suicide and the horrors of ALS. I loved Craig Ewert's perspective about "playing God"; thanks for including it. I would have liked to read about an interview with ALS patients, but I realize that it would be difficult to interview a ALS patient personally
From Kevin (T/W) Team,
I read your post looking for insight. This post had a lot of it. It was very well written, and combined the research you did with your real life portion well. One of the top insights from your project was, "It's incredibly important, if not necessary, that we attempt to understand what influences our decisions dealing with illness and dying because in the future, we can spare ourselves from potential or maybe fatal consequences." This is an example of a good insight because it makes the reader think about their life, and what changes they can make to improve it. Along with making readers think personally about themselves, it can also be opened up to the bigger picture. You could ask questions like "Are we hit with any extra influences that we can eliminate from our society?" Another good thing relating to insights in this blog are that they aren't all your insights. In this post it talked about what other people thought. I thought this was a strong piece of writing, and overall well done.
From Spencer (Younger Peer),
I too think that a disease like ALS is frightening. I have not known anyone who was in that situation--the decision between death or suffering and death--but it seems like the most pivotal decision one can make. You really made me think about this issue what it entails.
From Amber (T/W Team),
I read your post while keeping beauty in mind. I personally think that you did a nice job with this assignment. You used a number of quotes from different resources and chose a topic that each and every one of us can do a well job of connecting to. Your sentences flowed well, and I was able to fully grasp all the concepts you were getting at while taking a part of this project. As a reader I was able to place myself in the situations you were referring to. One in particular was when you were talking about the fact that all of us will be near death at one point in our life and we will have to deal with it one way or another. It really made me stop and think about which choice I would prefer while being near death. Keep up the good work!
From Pam Smith (Mentor),
This was a fascinating post. ALS has always been a disease that I found particularly chilling, almost terrifying. To have no control over your body, and to know that it's coming in slow, cruel stages. Well, it's horrifying, to say the least. I enjoyed your writing, particulary your honesty about your changes in perspective. I especially enjoyed the paragraph about the dispute over the morality of committing suicide. I have no idea how I would respond in such an awful situation, but your blog sure maade me think about it in a new way.
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For Kevin (T/W Team),
The best part of your writing is that you provided great evidence and statistics that really backed up your overall persuasive point that health care needs reform. The modality I chose was Perspective. Maybe something you could try is relate how you would deal with the health system when it comes your time to take up the responsibility to pay for insurance among other things. You provided a well-thought out narrative perspective of the homeless man though, a video would have probably provided much more of a visual aid that would have made me even more interested. One thing that I would advise for you to do is to give your introduction some more brevity. Though it is concise, you want readers to have a sufficient background knowledge on how health care started and how it became the way it is.
For Amber (T/W Team),
The best part of your writing was when you reflected on how our society was gullible. We make choices and decisions without background information on the people that will be affected by such choices. I chose Proofreading as the Modality; I feel as though you provided a lot of thought-provoking work. However, you should work on your transitions from paragraph to paragraph. Refrain from sentence starters such as "I remember..." You're missing some commas here and there. One thing that I would point out for future reference is to always end your paragraphs with a concluding sentence that somehow reconnects back to your overarching point/thesis. Ending a paragraph with only a quote makes it seem like a cliffhanger or rather, a quote without analysis.
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Comments for Elevator Speeches
For Evan,
I honestly loved the topic you chose. It was surely original to the point! After reading your post, 100 years of living seems like a milestone I would love to make. It does seem our society puts a big emphasis on those who are present in our world's best and worst of times. Though I believe your post is cleverly written, a copy of the actual interview wouldn't hurt.
For Casey,
Your topic was most certainly interesting. To center some focus on the gender aspect of rippling was impressive. The best part of your post was "People who wish to be remembered are probably especially afraid of death." This provided more or less a sum up of what your entire experiential project was based upon. This was a considerably difficult topic to purse but regardless, you executed the topic well. I wish you had gone a little more in-depth past the 20 surveys you conducted.
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