As I casually login onto Facebook, the day after prom, my news feed is bombarded with prom pictures and telling statuses. Everyone looks his or her best and everyone doesn’t miss a chance to flash a smile toward the camera. I can’t help but long for my chance to look as beautiful as everyone did in the photos. I don’t think it’s bad to yearn for such an opportunity. The opportunity not only allows your self-esteem to go up but also allow others to see you at what you consider your best. However, your definition of best is inevitably influenced by what society believes is best. My value in beauty isn’t frivolous nor is it feminine. I don’t understand why wanting to be beautiful, at least for a night, must be labeled as superficial and feministic. I see as much beauty in the idea of prom as in the newest invention of technology. I’m not going as far as to say that prom is super important to me – it’s just a chance to have fun and look nice. Seniors, from what I can tell from their statuses on Facebook, say prom was “amazing.” The word “beautiful” became ubiquitous among the statuses, revealing that beauty was what made the night most memorable. This leads me to believe that the memorable must embody the wallflowers of the school transforming into social butterflies for the night, playing and looking the part.
I mustn’t forget about the encouraged conspicuous consumption of alcohol in prom culture. It acts as a catalyst for teens to raise their “popularity.” Peers praise those who come to school the day after prom still in their prom attire because they have demonstrated their rebel against authority. Authority, in this scenario, represents the parents’ concern for their children, usually smelling of alcohol and the occasional smoke, to come home at a reasonable time, not the next morning. “Still hung-over from last night AHAHA f#$ked s@#% up!” reads across my screen and I scoff at this girl’s status. I don’t remember when feeling terrible and suffering a headache (the results of a hangover I presume) meant fun. When I attend prom next year, I will not wander into the realms of fun that the girl spoke of. I will attend prom next year because I think I will have a good time with my friends. I argue that prom should just be enjoyed, nothing more or less than that.
1 Person who hasn't been to Prom yet: (You can click the links to download the interviews recorded onto word documents) 1. Alyssa W. DOWNLOAD LINK
B: What does prom mean to you?
A: Prom, to me, is like the last big hoorah with the people that I’ve been with for 4 years. It’s our celebration of success and moving on in our lives.
B: Is it important? If so, why? If not, Why?
A: I think that it’s important because it’s a big part of high school and when I have kids later on in life, I want to be able to tell them that I went to prom and tell them about the experience I had.
B: Is Prom a rite of passage? (Transition from adolescence to adult hood) Please elaborate on your answer.
A: I do not think that Prom is a rite of passage. I think that sometimes people make Prom a bigger deal than it actually is. To me, Prom is just the last time you really get to celebrate with all the people in your grade – more like a bringing together everyone – including people you do or don’t talk to.
B: What makes prom special and why do you think people pay so much to go?
A: I think the hype around prom and the anticipation of such a special day to people is why people pay so much money to do. When it’s something that everyone wants to go to too. I think that parents are willing to pay and want their kids to enjoy something that maybe they didn’t get the chance to experience.
B: What do you think the dominant social practices around prom are?
A: N/A
B: What role does dressing up and the whole limo ordeal mean to you?
A: I think that dressing up is what makes it more fun to go to prom, instead of it being a typical party, the dressing up part makes it more special. And as for the limo, I think that’s for people who want to go “all out” but, personally, I think you can have the same experience if you take a cab.
B: What do you expect from prom? Would you possibly consider it a life changing moment?
A: I just expect to have a good time at prom with my friends – to enjoy one of our last times together – to celebrate the ending of high school. However, I don’t think it will be a life changing moment.
B: Do you think you get more privileges now by going to prom?
A: Prom is just a typical high school thing, it’s a special day, but nothing life changing. I don’t think I get more privileges because of Prom. I just think that prom is a way to celebrate the ending of high school, to enjoy the last few times with friends and maybe other people that you never really spoke to.
B: Is prom somewhat like a fantasy? Please elaborate on your opinions.
A: N/A
B: Any final thoughts? N/A
2 People who have been to Prom: 1. Cindy L. DOWNLOAD LINK
B: What does prom mean to you? C: Prom was just another rite of passage, kinda. Just another thing to do as a senior. B: Is it important? If so, why? If not, Why? C: It wasn’t too important for me, I just wanted to dress up real nice and have fun somewhere fancy. B: Is Prom a rite of passage? (Transition from adolescence to adult hood) Please elaborate on your answer. C: Haha, like I said for the first question, Yeah, I feel like some people feel like they’re finally growing up and out of their high school stupidity. B: What makes prom special and why do you think people pay so much to go? C: Prom was special because it’s like the final ball for all the people you spent the last four years of your life with before all separating a branching out into their own lives. I think people pay the money because it really is just a once in a life time experience, so why not? B: What do you think the dominant social practices around prom are? C: Appearance and getting date are probably most important. B: What role does dressing up and the whole limo ordeal mean to you? C: Well, I didn’t take a limo to prom. I didn’t get too fancy. Instead, a friend drove a bunch of us to prom. Dressing up makes everyone feel pretty – makes everyone feel better about themselves and having dates who dress and coordinate with you shows some sort of unity between the two and there may have been a significance in that gesture to certain couples. B: What was prom like for you? What was the best part? What was the worst? C: Prom was really fun. Just fun. The best part was just dancing with everyone but the worst part was the after-party. I basically paid 120$ for my date and I to stay for a whole 10 minutes in a club. It was nasty and crowded. B: Do you think you get more privileges now by going to prom? C: I don’t think there are privileges of actually going to prom. The chance to go is the privilege. Going is just simply attending a party/banquet type thing. B: What do you think of the social dynamics in prom? (The guy always asking the girl to prom.) C: I don’t think they should stay that way. If a girl wants the boy they should go ahead and ask even with the risk of rejection. Everyone’s gonna get hurt emotionally no matter what so why not take the chance early. F*ck it, get what you want, take the risks. B: Do you think the tradition of prom is homophobic, even now in the 21st century? C: No. Homosexuals are even more accepted now than they were in the past. The tradition itself is not homophobic because it’s a celebration of youth, not heterosexual couples. It’s more so parents who are homophobic because some expect a picture perfect prom for their children and back in their day when people weren’t flamboyantly gay so same gender couples were not as accepted as they are today. B: Is prom somewhat like a fantasy? Please elaborate on your opinions. C: Yeah, for some people, they dream about it until the day comes. Some girls think of it as the highlight of their high school career because how it seems in movies. Movies make them seem like the ultimate fantasy with its romanticism. /div>
B: What does prom mean to you? C: Prom means to spend a great deal of time with school friends and have a nice time with them. B: Is it important? If so, why? If not, Why? C: Yes, I think it’s important, due to the fact that High school prom is the only prom that will be worth going to. College prom will be a while from now. B: Is Prom a rite of passage? (Transition from adolescence to adult hood) Please elaborate on your answer. C: I, for one, think it is a passage of transformation. To dress and act like a man – it’s like an initiation. B: What makes prom special and why do you think people pay so much to go? C: Prom is special because it is a once in a lifetime deal. Especially for high school since you are not going to see your friends for a while, unless they attend the same schools. B: What do you think the dominant social practices around prom are? C: To eat and chat with friends. To “express your feelings for one.” B: What role does dressing up and the whole limo ordeal mean to you? C: Well, from experience, I saw many things, but what I thought I would expect to see if the people who you think you like, come up to you and talk to you. B: What is expected from prom? Would you possibly consider it a life changing moment? C: Yes, it has potential of becoming a life changing moment. B: Do you think you get more privileges now by going to prom? C: No, I do not think you get more privilege. Prom is just a prom even though it shows to people you are more mature. It’s just an event. B: Is prom somewhat like a fantasy? Please elaborate on your opinions. C: It is not a fantasy. My prom – I didn’t have any expectations so what and how they pulled it off surprised me. It was totally fun, I just needed a girlfriend to go with… ☹
1 Person significantly older than me: DOWNLOAD LINK 1. My Mother (who requested her name not be put on here)
B: Have you ever been to Prom?
M: No, I have never been to Prom.
B: What does Prom mean to you?
M: Prom is nothing to me. In China, during my years in high school, I never had prom. There was no such event. There are only proms here. The kids here make prom such a big deal. From what I know, it’s the night that parents should be worried.
B: Why should they be worried?
M: The most obvious reason is that teens are out late at night, without supervision. Not all teens will make prudent decisions; therefore, some will regret some of the decisions they make on prom night. For example, having sex and then getting pregnant. That’s bound to happen to someone in this generation.
B: Why this generation?
M: This generation has been the generation to rebel against all things that are threats to their “freedom.” Most American kids will do what they wish, not giving mind to their parent’s wishes and concerns. They don’t understand the consequences.
B: Will you let me go to Prom in senior year?
M: Yes, I will. But, of course, I expect you to make the right decisions. Not to drink. Have sex. Or do drugs.
B: Why do people pay so much to go to prom? (including the dresses, suits, transportation, jewelry, occasionally the hotel room etc.)
M: They pay so much to feel special. If there’s a once-in-a-life-time chance for children to do something, they probably will. Prom is considered as something that only happens once. You can only experience it one way. It can’t be re-done.
B: Why can’t it be re-done?
M: It just can’t. 10 years later, you’d have a family to take care of. Your morals and values would have changed. Your definition of fun and special will have changed as well.
B: If you had the chance to go to prom, would you?
M: I would. I would go because it is something you only get to experience once. Everyone will be dressed nicely and hopefully act nicely too. I will remember people at their best. And their best sadly cost a lot of money.
Highlights from the Interviews:
As I interviewed people for their perspectives on prom, I realized that they hadn’t really thought about the whole idea of Prom or why they would go or have gone. Going to prom was always just what was expected of each high school senior and if someone didn’t go, it’d be considered his or her loss. This comes to question, what is to be gained by going to prom? To the majority that I interviewed, Prom marked the last celebration of youth with the people you both either were fond of or disliked throughout the four years of high school. Alyssa W., a senior who will be attending prom this week, says “It’s our celebration of success and moving on in our lives…and the ending of high school…our chance to enjoy the last few times with friends and maybe other people you never really spoke to.” In Alyssa’s perspective, Prom is the last “hoorah” or rather more of an assurance that high school is finally over. This confirmation of the ending of high school seems to be the one thing that can kindle reaped friendships, partner soul mates, or even push people to become better friends with each other.
Unlike Alyssa, others reasoned that Prom was a chance to let people live out and become the way they wanted others to see them and therefore be envious of them. Prom is about the elite, the exclusivity, the lavish location, expensive clothes, and ostentatious transportation. It’s not thrifty to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a night that probably won’t be as great as one would’ve expected it to be. Cindy L., S.O.F. Alumni says, “Appearance and getting a date are probably most important.” Both of these things are definitely among the most superficial and insignificant things we desire out of the last glory day of high school. Appearance becomes important during prom night because it represents the chance to “branch out” of your old appearance and become a new person. By my definition, a new person, in this scenario, would be a person who was beautiful, social, rich, and several other adjectives that describe the elite/popular and script their actions. To me, prom is becoming less of a way to display maturity but rather an immature opportunity to win the popularity contest that is incorporated into cornucopia of social dynamics in high school.
My mother, less of a prom-enthusiast, is indifferent about Prom. She doesn’t find much virtue for kids to go because although for some it may mean the best night of their lives, though usually it isn’t, for others it means the night that a love child was conceived, drugs were abused, or simply a huge mistake was made. However, my mother does say that Prom is advantageous in that it is a once-in-a-life time experience. “If there’s a once-in-life time chance for children to do something, they probably will. Prom is considered as something that only happens once. You can only experience it one way. It can’t be re-done.” Desiring a do-over prom is moot because prom will be remembered for what it was, either good or bad. A once in a lifetime chance doesn’t have to be enjoyable for it to be remembered. High school students want to be able to remember something worth telling. This is most obvious that even adults, like my mother, who haven’t even been to prom, realize this.
Analysis Paragraph I cannot say that I received surprising responses from my interviewees during the conducted interviews. Nonetheless, the expected answers were telling and made prom bare in its entirety. Prom is a mere social event where all the social dynamics and hierarchy of power come into play. Let the prom organizers act as the working class, those who are attending as the elite, the prom king and queen as the royalty, and chaperones as the authorities and “armored guards”. The elite - those who will attend prom - either expect the best or the worst from prom and those who do attend prom, in fact, make it their duty to make prom night, the best night – the most memorable. Alyssa W’s opinions on Prom and its significance best match up to this interpretation of Prom. Alyssa says that the best way to finish high school is to ironically celebrate high school’s ending. Perhaps this is the best way to look at prom – to view an ending as a new beginning. This beginning is brought forth by an intensified desire to “go all out” and have fun on the supposed last day of youth with the people you’ve spent around 1,460 days with. The beginning would probably mark the ritual of an adolescent becoming an adult. Although, through interpretation, I have made prom shine in its the little virtues, I can assure you that prom also has its share of rueful aspects. These rueful aspects include teens’ willingness to spend bucket loads of money and consume conspicuous amounts of alcohol all in one evening and sometimes the next morning just to impress peers. Then again, prom only happens once, so why be the devil’s advocate by not going to prom when you can go and say that you went?
Prom is a rite of passage. It is nothing less than that. As a society, we've been taught to marvel at this transition from adolescence to adulthood. Not only do big department stores use corny maxims (i.e. It's your chance to be cinderella!) to hype up the fancy and formal aspects of Prom but, popular media like Disney has made it part of its goal to push the tradition of Prom onto its audiences. I remember three years ago when Disney's High School Musical 3 debuted - it was about how Prom marked each high school student's ability to make their own decisions and fulfill their dreams. This new marked ability represents adulthood, what the media wants its younger audiences to strive for. However, we need to ask ourselves, what exactly are the new privileges of "adulthood" that are advertised and marketed to the youth? On prom night, adulthood embodies the student's independence and desire to do what they please without much supervision: staying up all night without parents nagging, drinking large amounts of alcohol, expressing their sexual drive and prowess through visual means (revealing dresses), etc.
Can we say that these privileges are virtuous? I wouldn't say so. The media and even schools encourage their youth to play out an extravagant fantasy on one night. It's unrealistic to think that dressing and playing the roles of elites is a model for the future. The future isn't about "alcohol in the punchbowl" but instead, hard work and struggle to earn credentials and a name to acquire wealth. Although Prom makes no effort to reveal the less elite parts of being an adult I would not go as far as to say that prom establishes someone's aspirations for the future. It may give them a taste of a portion of adulthood. This portion of adulthood includes the freedom of doing what one pleases, the chance of partnering with another, and wealth. These three things seem favorable, however, I don't think they would define my would-be transition from an adolescent to an adult. After dishing out and elaborating my initial thoughts on prom, I'm not sure what to expect from Prom in my senior year. But, I definitely don't want to be "Cinderella." I have no need for a big transformation - I find no virtue in paying for an overly expensive dress and ostentatious transportation. If anything, I will be happy just because I am spending time with people I have spent 4 years with. The moment "my prince gives me back my glass shoe" will not be pinnacle of my senior year.
Questions:
- Why can prom be both a chance for adolescents to become adults and a chance for adults to become young again?
- Why must fantasy embody Prom? Does fantasy have to mean acting like the elite and rich or can it be simply enjoying time with your friends?
- Why do location and wealth matter in Prom?
Episode 3: "The Foot." Six Feet Under. HBO: 06/017/01. Television. 18 May 2011.
In Episode 3, Six Feet Under, the role of grieving in the funeral process becomes important. The grieving is performed by the family of the deceased and their mourning is intensified because the feeling is overwhelmed by the family as whole. This somehow illustrates vague process and stages of grief before one can truly "move on."
Although there are certainly the emotional aspects of the funeral home industry, Six Feet Under reminds us that we mustn't disregard the industry part of the phrase "funeral home industry." David and Nate make decisions that will determine the fate of their business by refusing to join the big death care corporation in order to appease the fear of losing out on the profitable business. Profit rules motives - especially in the death care industry.
Episode 4:"Familia." Six Feet Under. HBO: 06/24/01. Television. 18 May 2011.
In episode 4, Nate and David, both undertakers in their family funeral home, must arrange a funeral for "Paco," a young gang member who was murdered. Nate and David are faced with their most interesting funeral because the arrangements are either in the hands of Paco's family or his gang leader.
David's character fleshes out through his interaction with "Paco's" dead body and forces him to take a look at his own life by having conversations with the dead. "Familia" embodies how David develops his character through family funeral home business by attempting to understand why his ideals, both in the death-care industry and not, as a human being should be defended.
Although David is in the funeral home industry, his ambiguity towards understanding whether the dead body has a universal meaning is the same compared to if he had not been in the industry. In the midst of family and friend politics and dynamics, David shows us that all people are connected by death because grief will always be ubiquitous in life.
Episode 5:"An Open Book." Six Feet Under. HBO: 07/01/01. Television. 18 May 2011.
In episode 5, David tries to fulfill his father's legacy in the funeral business by not only continuing in his footsteps as an undertake but also a Deacon at the church. His father's death left a moral obligation to fulfill both these roles in even the oddest situations of all - arranging a funeral service for a porn star.
Religion is a sticker undoubtedly tagged onto death care and so, the arranging of a funeral service in a Church for a person who committed adultery was problem. Six Feet Under depicts the quarrels and politics of what is considered morally right and wrong in the death care industry. "An Open Book" illustrates the shame tagged along with caring for the dead.
2-3 paragraph interpretation of how the episodes consolidate, challenge, and/or re-conceptualize dominant social practices around the care of the dead: Six Feet Under, although a television drama series, depicts and puts the dominant social practices around the care of the dead in perspective. Like in Jokinen's book Curtains,Six Feet Under allows us to view the funeral home industry in the eyes of its workers, instead of the eyes of its consumers. In due part to this fact, we can understand the death care industry's quirks as well as its essential benefits to society. In episode 3 "The Foot," we better understand how the funeral home industry does not always treat its workers well in that some of the workers did not choose to pursue a career in funeral home business but were merely born into it. Society tends to believe the death care industry's workers are used to dealing with death, however, it is quite the opposite. Episode 3 challenges the dominant social practices around the care of the dead because Nate desires to leave business he hates and fears but is also mindful of his gift to help people grieve. In light of the this idea of grief, the funeral home business is essential in that it provides a structure and protocol for people to grieve. This concept of grief is important in life because it embodies how we choose to live our lives when our loved ones have passed. Nate's job of helping people mourn, cope with suffering, and grieve was more a calling than a choice. This comes to question: Why aren't there more people who choose to immerse themselves in the funeral home industry? Although it can mean both physical and emotional connection with the deceased, it can constitute as a way to serve a greater purpose - giving the dead, neglected by most of society, the respect that they deserve. Like in all industries, the Funeral Home industry has its social dynamics and specific politics. Many people seem to forget this fact because they are persuaded to believe the funeral industry only seeks to help, not profit. This is most certainly not the case. Although it's obvious that the death care industry's efforts are far from altruistic, its workers are similar to us pedestrians in that we all seek meaning and understanding of both life and death. As workers of the industry, such as Nate and David, do their job, they are more readily faced with these meanings and understandings than we are; therefore, they see the deceased as more of an entity as we might. In Episode 4 "Familia," David begins to understand what the deceased body represents and how all people are connected by grief. Death is just as ubiquitous as life is. Six Feet Under consolidates this idea by revealing that death and grief cannot ever be handled as easily as happiness can be and therefore death is not as openly regarded as ubiquitous. In Episode 5 "An Open Book," demonstrates how the dominant social practices around the care of the dead in our society represents our society's moral and physical obligation to the dead. By moral obligation, I mean the necessity of a grave stone, an epitaph, or a mere memorial service. By physical obligation, I mean our society's growing need to provide the dead the best caskets, floral arrangements, and a place of rest. These obligations must be fulfilled in order for a person who has lost a loved one to "move on." Episode 5 re-conceptualizes the idea that care of the dead practices are not choices but have become something that people are bound to do.
INTERESTING QUOTES FROM SIX FEET UNDER: - "You can't take a picture of this, it's already gone". - "I know that if you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and take out happiness then you're going to be disappointed." - "If we live our lives the right way then everything we do can become a work of art." - "The future is just a f*@!ing concept that we use to avoid living today."
For Martyna,LINK TO POST
You present to us the seven stages of grief. You make it clear that these stages are important if a person if to move on from mourning and perhaps let go of their emotional turmoil. I'm glad that you chose to do your project on thr stages if grief because in this unit we didn't focus much on it. I've never grieved yet. Reading your post makes me realize that it's easy to put the steps and guidelines to follow in order to control our hurt and guilt but, it's probably much harder to follow through on these steps easily. Yout visual is truly beautiful. It really contrasts with the idea of death because usually we associate death with dark colors, not so much warm colors. One thing you should've done was cite your sources that listed the different steps. It would've been interesting to read more in depth. Also, instead of just writing out the steps, try to analyze them more. Nonetheless, great work!
For Casey, LINK TO POST
I really appreciate the amount of effort you put into your project. I admire your ability to think of excellent goals and execute them well. I think that it is incredibly daring of you to have made a mini casket. If I were you, I probably would've been terrified in fear that I'd have to do the same for my family members one day. Your research exhibits your extreme dedication to making care of the dead as much of a personal experience as possible. I realize that you may be correct when you say that using a homemade coffin is much more rewarding because the hard work pays off. And certainly, the effort put into making the casket was mixed with feelings of love and loss. This experience of making a casket should be a part of grieving now that I've read your process.
Your writing, although a narrative, seemed very formal. When i say formal, I mean to say that I just found you describing what you did - the steps. I know your very capable of writing beautifully and I wish you had prioritized that more in this piece of writing. Also, you could have talked about what your family members thought about your making of the casket. I wanted to know more - ie why do you think your sister wouldn't take you seriously if you told her you were making a casket for her fish?
Your work was engaging. I've even asked my parents what they think of maybe making their coffins and caskets one day. Your work is always a pleasure to read.
----------------------------------------------------------- From Erica (PROTEGE), In your project you made it clear that the main idea you were trying to convey was the fact that funeral homes try and make death a complaisant affair rather than an arduous one. I enjoyed your humorous depiction of a faceless funeral director putting a price on emotional objects that are actually inestimable. I also liked your portrayal of the funeral director as someone that is faceless. To me, that connotes emotionless and carefree. To him (or her) the passing of his client's loved one is just another business deal; not a sentimental crisis that can change a family forever.
I think your most powerful line is: "We dictate our emotions in order to prepare ourselves for our turn in the casket, in the urn, on the grass at a park, or in a reef ball in the ocean." You take into retrospect that when it comes down to it, everyone has to die, whether it be today or 100 years from now. I believe that we are afraid of death because it is something we can foresee, but cannot prevent. Hence the reason "we dictate our emotions" to prepare ourselves for the inevitable.
The evidence you provided to support your claims that the funeral home industry sells more than material items seems reputable but you do not provide proof that it actually is legitimate. If I were you, I would explain who Jokinen is and what are his credentials are, because being someone who is not well-read on the Care of the Dead, I did not know who he (or maybe she) is. Overall, I enjoyed reading your blog and seeing your amazing painting. I wish you had asked me to read and comment on your blogs earlier so I could have learned more about all the interesting topics you're learning at SoF.
From Stephanie (MENTOR),
1) I think you executed the main idea pretty well. I like how you use strings to connect life, death and after life. I like that you use a light blue background because it connects with one of your ideas; the idea life after death is meaningful and your idea that, "by having convictions of forever, we can control both life and death."
2) I think your most powerful line is " the funeral home industry has sugarcoated death and decomposing dead body with pink and purple chemicals to restore life into the dead." I think this is a powerful statement because you point out that death can be seen in a positive light. I like how you said pink and purple chemicals which could be interpreted in different ways. One way it can be interpreted is that the funeral home industry brings color to life of the dead. The color could represent the significance of afterlife.
3) I think your painting conveyed this idea well by using different colors like pink and purple which you mentioned and the use of strings to convey connection between life and death. I'm not sure why you put dollar values on memories,and heart sign with rest in peace. You could maybe explain why you put dollar values.
From Casey,
I thought this project visually touched upon a very important idea: the funeral industry sells objects that are rather falsely advertised as givers of closure and a memory picture. I thought your art was beautiful albeit appropriately morbid, and I liked that the man standing in the picture was headless. I felt that this was an indication of the lack of original, genuine humanity and emotion in the funeral industry. I also enjoyed that you used rope to enclose the various ideas attached to the products, because it made me think of funeral businesses attempting to lasso the circumstances and emotional state of their customers to gain a profit.
From Eloise,
In your project you tried to convey that funeral homes not only sell materialistic items but a sense of reassurance to the customer. Whether you are for or against is not really stated just how the customers use the outlandish items they buy to comfort them selves with the idea of losing a loved one.
I really loved your artwork as it is beautiful, powerful, and the colors look really amazing, I like the texture, and how you connected the words with string (especially the string you used it added a nice touch contrasted well with the blue) I loved how un personal the vendor seems because we dont see his head ! I also think that your writing was very concise and powerful !OVER ALL AMAZING JOB BIANCA !
Alternative Choice: I chose to depict what the funeral home industry markets and sells through the use of a canvas and acrylic paints. I summarize what the living desire from dominant social practices around death and the funeral process. I discuss the what drives the living to immerse themselves into the funeral industry to buy overly expensive caskets, urns, and stuff of that nature. I try to persuade my audience that the funeral home industry sells more than material items.
(CLICK ON PHOTO TO SEE FULL SIZE IMAGE) (ONCE YOU CLICK TO SEE THE FULL SIZE IMAGE, THE TEXT WILL BE READABLE)
DOWNLOAD LINK FOR INTERVIEW (Word Doc): DOWNLOAD LINK
Interviewee: Mohammed Bhuiya
Analysis
Ever since I was young, I never considered the importance of religion. Religion had distanced itself away from me or possibly the other way around. Religion was foriegn to me just as much as its traditions were. I'd gone to family dinners where prayer was said and all I could do was sit awkwardly, unaware of what social protocol to follow. At the age of 10, I walked by a Mosque on my way to school every weekday morning. I didn't question why my friend prayed or why he couldn't eat certain foods. However, I knew that all religions had something in common: a set of beliefs that promised protection and a good life even after death. Islam is an example of a religion that dictates guidelines that help a believer of Allah, the only god in Islam, gain acceptance into Paradise. Before having done any extensive research on Islam, I pictured the Day of Judgement as a single toll box with Allah as the one who deicides whether a person will eternally live in beautiful paradise or fiery hell. In order discard my rather cliche view of Islam, I collaborated with Abdullah to interview Mohammed Bhuiya, an lmam.* (I made up the interview questions and Abdullah conducted the interview)
The most interesting aspect of Islamic religion is resurrection because it refuses natural law that states that man will die and then decompose along with the stopping of the heart and brain. As far as I know, a dead heart, a dead mind, and a cold unmoving body are what define a dead body - a corpse. How is it possible to rise from ceased life? In light of this interest, I ask Bhuiya what his thoughts are on his religon violating this natural law and he answers, "Allah has created the nature and it is in the control of Allah. So therefore there is no such beliefs in Islamic religion which violate the natural law" (Bhuiya). Natural law is not defined by science anymore but, by Allah. This concept is particularly difficult for me to grasp because it destroys all science that has proven that I will die and, therefore, have no consciousness or right to thought. However, Islam believes that the soul does not die when the body dies and nor does the soul perish "but it remains after its creation either in bliss or punishment" (Bhuiya). The soul represents eternal life rather than a tangible one - a completely separate thing from mind or body. The Qu'ran states (17:100: "Could they not see that God who created the heavens and the earth is able to create the like of them"?). In other words, Allah will be able to recreate the decayed body from the eternal soul.
I beg the question: where does the eternal soul end up? Some make the distinction between Paradise and Hell as simple as that of black white. I argue that it cannot be as simple as that. In my entire life, no one person has ever explained to me the what exactly paradise or hell is. I pose the question to Bhuiya, with some embarassment from my lack of knowledge, "Is Paradise and Hell ever described in the Qur’an?". Bhuiya answered with hefty knowledge and surprised me with details that I had never even imagined, "As for Paradise, Allah Ta’ala says: “Those who are blessed with nearness (to Allah) in gardens of bliss. They will be sitting on thrones woven with gold reclining on them facing each other...As for Hell, Allah Ta’ala says, “There will be burning wind and boiling water and in a shade of black smoke neither cool nor graceful. Verily those who have rejected the signs of Allah, soon they will be put into Hell, every time one layer of skin is burnt it will be replaced by another layer of skin so that they can continue to taste the punishment of Hell" (Bhuiya). It is Allah's words that induce fear into the common Muslim and keep him or her from committing sins, which include adultery, lying, deceiving, drinking liquor and wine, and etc. It is the specific descriptions of both Paradise and Hell in the Qu'ran that surround the core goal of Islam relgion. That goal is to clarify what is desirable and undesirable in afterlife.
Islam, in whole, is a religion that respects the substantial things in life. Muslims respect the substantial things in life by having faith in Allah and his messenger Mohammed. Muslims pave the way to Paradise by praying five times a day, giving zakat** to the poor, performing Hajj*** if the means are accessible, and fasting on the month of Ramadan. By holding true to these pillars of Islam, a Muslim will surely gain passage to Paradise and live a good eternal fate. If a Muslim fails to avoid sinning, he or she will be punished in Hell for eternity. "Control you desire, give preference to the desire of Allah over your own desire. Mohammed has said that the intelligent person is the one who controls his desire and does good deeds for the life after death and the foolish person is the one who follows his desires and at the same time he puts false hopes on Allah. Ali said put one foot on your desire and then the other foot will be in Paradise" (Bhuiya). Islam is a very complex religion but, is also simple in some aspects. One is the most obvious: Muslims are given the choice to do "good or bad with the will of Allah" (Bhuiya). Allah evaluates these choices and decides all eternal fates, both good and bad.
*Imam- prayer leader of mosque
**zakat- giving a portion of your wealth to the poor (charity)
***Hajj- pilgrimage to mecca, part of religious journey
Texts Bhuiya Suggested to Read:
- Ar-RUH [The Soul's Journey After Death] by Al-Imam Shamsuddin Abi Abdullah Ibn Al Qayyim Al Jauziah
- Hadith of Mohammed in the Qu'ran
Interview with someone in the Death Care Industry (Dimiceli & Sons, Inc.)
Interviewee: Jan Ronald (Pre-need sales counselor/ Receptionist)
Bianca: Hi…My grandmother is very old and near death - I have a few questions about what your funeral home can do to help me through this whole process. I’m interested in how you guys deal with certain aspects of death because I want to be sure those who will handle my grandmother have good intentions in caring for her.
Jan: Of course. Here, you can trust us and we will do what we can to help and make this process go smoothly.
Bianca: What grief therapy services during funeral services are available?
Jan: There are a number of services. We can provide music that your grandmother loves and a dog that walks around for people to pet for relief. There are others. The latter, personally, is most helpful. Your family members will be put at ease in the presence of a loving and understanding dog. The dog is trained and will not run amok.
Bianca: That sounds nice. I’ve been wondering for quite some time how people choose between having an open casket and closed casket…how do I go about making that decision?
Jan: It is different for everyone. Some people prefer open casket because family members and friends will leave the funeral with a good, lasting, and alive image of the dead. Knowing that the person looks essentially the same in their sleep is comforting because it assures family that the dead can be happy, as they were when they were alive. Others prefer closed caskets because to see their loved ones reach eternal sleep is too painful. It is ultimately up to you. No one can make that decision for you.
Bianca: Are families allowed to touch the person in the casket?
Jan: Yes, by choice of course.
Bianca: How many people have you seen in caskets?
Jan: I’ve seen several. Do you think you could handle seeing someone in a casket?
Bianca: I don’t think so…
Jan: It’s okay. Some people aren’t ready or prepared for it.
Bianca: How do children usually deal with seeing the whole funeral process?
Jan: Younger kids don’t show much empathy because usually the funeral process isn’t always explained to them.
Bianca: Would you advise that I tell the kids who would attend the funeral what they are at the funeral home for?
Jan: I would suggest it. It’s better that the kids know now so they are aware for the next time they have to attend a service. It depends on if you think the kids will experience sadness.
Bianca: How much closure does a service provide? Have funeral services and memorials given you closure?
Jan: It definitely has. To know that people will gather to send off the lost to a better place is always comforting. There’s a sense of reconnection among the people who gather at the service. It’s a chance for family members to come together and remember those who have passed away and the great memories they left.
Bianca: Thanks for the help.
Jan: Just call us if you have any more questions and we’ll do our best to help you.
Download Link of documented Interview on Word Document:DOWNLOAD LINK
Highlights from the Interview Paragraph
I had some apprehension going into the funeral home because I feared that they would peg me as a lost child. I tried my best to come into the funeral home looking presentable in straight black work pants, a beige cardigan, and tan flats to appease whatever child-like presence I emanated. Having realized that introducing myself as a student seeking insights, offering no business to the funeral home, would not be welcomed in their place of death-care business, I introduced myself as a person who’s grandmother is very old and near death. After answering a few of my questions, Jan, the pre-need sales counselor and receptionist seemed genuinely concerned. I wasn’t exactly fooled. The highlight of the interview would have probably been when she actually asked me a question instead of me asking her. It was good trick to capture customers I’d say – she asked me, “Do you think you could handle seeing someone in a casket?” It was clever and I admire how people working in the funeral business try to give both genuine and fake empathy. Her answers to my questions were immediate, probably because she had answered the questions I asked several times before with others. This was certainly the second highlight of the interview – realizing that each person at the funeral served more than a scripted role. Jan’s would be the informer and empathizer. These were identities created in order to accommodate the people who didn’t know how to handle grief or understand what decisions could be made.
Analysis Paragraph
After having finished Tom Jokinen’s Curtains, I wasn’t surprised to hear what Jan, the pre-need sales counselor and receptionist, had to say. This was good experience because this was as close as I was going to get to confirm the anecdotes and stories of Tom Jokinen and his journey entering family funeral home business. You know – aside from seeing actual embalmed bodies and body bags lying around. In whole, Dimiceli & Sons, Inc was a nice establishment with cushioned chairs, however quiet and chilling it may have been when I had visited. Jan says to me, “Here, you can trust us and we will do what we can to help and make this process go smoothly.” By then, the customer-salesperson relationship had been created and whatever walls I had intended to leave down automatically went right back up. Nonetheless, I proceeded to ask questions.
“We can provide music that your grandmother loves and a dog that walks around for people to pet for relief. There are others. The latter, personally, is most helpful. Your family members will be put at ease in the presence of a loving and understanding dog. The dog is trained and will not run amok,” says Jan.
I thought this concept was incredibly captivating. A dog was certainly a creature who brought joy so, why couldn’t it be as useful during times of mourning? The dog, maybe what I’d call a “grief-therapist,” represented the illusion of truth, human connection, and sadness, all wrapped up in one package. Relief, which the dog was a gateway towards, is to the living closure and hope. Both of these things are highly desired in society because they lessen the ambiguity of what happens in between life and death. Jan presented to me what funeral homes were marketing in that they didn’t market just luxurious oak caskets, grave markers, or a place on their website to advertise the date of a service but hope, memories, meaning to the dead. What funeral homes provide to society is far from a materialistic reward but, a intangible feeling of both love and loss.
Precis In every religion there is some belief violating natural law that dictates that the human being has no end and continues its life after death through either physical transformation or the reincarnation of the existing soul. Funeral homes must keep this idea alive by providing all death care alternatives like making green burials available to families. The concept of continuity of life after death is kept alive because society believes in and is comforted by permanence and the vague "forever."
Handful of Interesting Quotes
- "This isn't my life. For me it's a project. I can walk away. Not so for the families who are stuck with their grief, or even the family undertakers who are stuck with one another" (Jokinen 205).
- "Green didn't mean a pauper's burial, and green didn't mean cheap" (Jokinen 212).
- "The point of Fernwood is fantasy, a dream of pushing up giant redwoods from below, feeding them with your own hard-won carbon atoms, the afterlife as compost" (Jokinen 213).
- "The myth that the vaulted body lasts forever is hard to shake, and the idea of dissolving into a conservation easement, no matter how beautiful the view, is still too much like going ovo-lacto: only a few have the taste for it" (Jokinen 217).
- "The only permanence is impermanence" (Jokinen 241).
Analysis It was not surprising to find that our society cannot let go of the concepts and aspects of forever - the life after death. I found it hard to believe the belief that death was a bunch of nothingness and resembled much of a black abyss like that in birth, is not as assiduously studied as are paradise and hell, both places of after life. I believe the reason for this is because society likes to believe what will give them opportunity to make more meaning out of their lives. Jokinen, earlier in the third of the book, said human beings were graced with the knowledge of their own existence but, that also meant they were graced with knowledge of their fated doom. To cope with this doom, our society creates a structured protocol, to make death rendered moot because people are resurrected after death and are therefore given the opportunity to create more meaning and purpose in their lives. Fernwood, a green burial space in Hollywood, California owned by the producer of well acclaimed Six Feet Under, is an example of how our society invents numerous options to make death inferior to the living. The living want to control death and they attempt to do so by marketing keepsakes and memorials, an actions incorporated into the structure of insuring the permanence of the forever for the "dead." This is relevant to the most previous NiW unit, Birth, because it surrounds the idea of structure. Structure promises a consistent desire most people have: in death, it is memory and the idea of living on forever, in birth, it is plans that dictate whether episiotomies should be performed or if a doula should be present at the birth, etc. Structure is somewhat of an illusion of permanence and the desired outcome. Structure in both the death care industry and the birth industry puts people at ease.
Works Cited - Jokinen, Tom. Curtains. 1st ed. Philadelphia, PA: Da Capo Press, 2010. 1-279. Print
The funeral process is not to alleviate the dead but to give closure to the living by providing a service to accommodate the memory picture - somewhat of a celebration of life. Each person at a funeral service has his or hers own role that is incorporated into the social script of dealing with grief - a sure sign of weakness in our society. We've created sacred care of the dead customs around religion to remind ourselves that death is not the end and also, new customs are being made in light of the fact that each person's life is as important as that of the last. We celebrate life in respect and fear of the dead, both things that most in the corporate funeral business have lost sight of.
Handful of Short Quotes that I Enjoyed
- "We're no longer part of a community of believers, but a marginally organized tribe of individuals, where each life story is as important as the next" (Jokinen 146).
- "There is far more profit in creating memories and keepsakes than in caskets" (Jokinen 141).
- "Still, why, in a tough economy, would I pay to mourn in his Committal Space with coffee and dainties and a quick scattering in the rose garden when I've got my own rose garden at home? I'm no longer bound by tradition and religious strictures, or the physical fact of the body...there's not much to distinguish one set of ashes from another: cremated remains are cremated remains, even after hand sorting" (Jokinen 130).
- "Neil thinks it matters to people that the bag they get back is as close to pure former-human being as us Factory monkeys can make it. That's why he charges more than the local deep-discount bake-and-shakers. It's the difference between a silk tie and clip-on" (Jokinen 120)
Analysis
The second third of Curtainswas not a grain short of detail. After the dignity that those in the care of the dead business must protect, grieving comes next. It's quite true that grieving is stigmatized in our society - it's said to be a sign of weakness. Sometimes people at funerals slip and cry out of cue, when others haven't even shed a tear yet. It's an unfortunate social script we follow in order to help us cope with the "unreachable" dead. What's interesting is how the social script acts as a competition between family members. Some may say that to look at the protocol we use to deal with death this way is disrespectful because it may make a person's honest mourning seem like a facade. Don't be mistaken - this is far from what I am trying to persuade you of. Jokinen says,
"Grief is mixed up with guilt and shame and the dynamics of family politics. Sons and daughters will compete for the role of Most Crushed by the Loss, they'll fight over the menu for the reception as if it's the dead man's estate...families do what's expected of them. They follow a social script" (Jokinen 116).
After having read this sentence, I took a step back and viewed our motives as mourners differently. It is certain that we cry mostly because we are sad but, to say we cry for a another, less admirable, reason is to lose respect for the dead. We are a selfish species, one that will make whatever efforts necessary to make death "rendered powerless" (Jokinen 144). It is difficult to face death rituals because they consist of "genuine human connection, truth, sadness, and, yes, humor" (Jokinen 145). Humor is a tough thing to scavenge in the event that a person dies. Frankly, if you look at the sales pitches the care of the dead businesses make, the humor presents itself. What's more corny and ridiculous than over expensive urns with a variety of motifs and the huggable urn (plush toy, in which you can place the ashes in)? I'm not trying to offend the way people choose to grieve but, there are sure weird ways of grieving and of making profits in the corporate industry of death.
Works Cited
- Jokinen, Tom. Curtains. 1st ed. Philadelphia, PA: Da Capo Press, 2010. 1-279. Print
I immerse myself into the world of funeral family business where the role of the undertaker is almost as cartoonish as saying undertakers are death-fairies. The funeral process represents the transcendence from life to death - the "in-between" we all fear to such an extent that we have made caring for the dead more a corporate industry than a tool for emotional catharsis. You can never get used to the smell of artificially colored chemicals pumped into the lifeless bodies of the dead without losing sight of having to protect the dignity of the dead with the use of overly expensive caskets, embalming, the use of pink, purple chemicals to restore natural glow, and social constructs.
Quotes
- "When Glenn comes back from a removal with a small cardboard box, we gather around to see what he's brought. Natalie opens it. Inside is an infant, blue-grey. She lifts it up. It's still wearing a Muppets diaper. 'Aww' she says,'I can't wait to have kids." (Jokinen 17).
- "In my head, it sounds like a fairy-tale: the dead come from a magic place called the Silver Doors, from which they are whisked into boxes or made to drink potions that turn them from yellow to green, then they're painted pink and purple and powdered, and some are baked in an oven where they are turned into flour by special death-fairies" (Jokinen 19).
- "I have to provide, as a funeral director, the things people want. It's how people feel about the body and what it needs to do, the idea of being resurrected, to be whole again" (Jokinen 41).
- "Some bodies will raise their arms in the retort like they're hailing a cab, a result of tendons contracting in the intense heat: what an odd relief, even in death, we find ways to express ourselves" (Jokinen 47).
- "This is the unembalmed, undecorated, raw look of death" (Jokinen 51).
Analysis
After having read the first third of Curtains, I can say with certainty that I've had my share of cringing and horrid visuals. Like our Birth Unit, Care of the dead and the funeral process definitely have their dominant routines and practices, some atrociously industrialized and others not. Neil Bardal Inc. - "The factory", where embalming and cremation takes places, is described to tag along with it a feeling of uneasiness from the nonchalance of the workers and single blinds separating the customers from the monstrous "retorts"/ovens and prepping and embalming rooms. This exhibits that our society has created a far from slapdash structure and system for caring for the dead. We have created a corporate industry where memento moris and burial robes are sold and bought, a clear demonstration of our society's desire for "fantasy of redemption" and escape from savage nature, in which we are all, or will be, participants of sex and death. In light of this perspective, what truth are we hiding from? Why do we force death into the ground in far, often remote, suburban land? I'd like to think that we hide from the inevitable fate of man to grasp what Jokinen calls "grief therapy." We desire grief therapy because we are always seeking refugee in times of hardship. The easiest way of reaching some sort of safe-haven is to try to preserve the dead with modern technology: caskets with seals to keep out bacteria and worms. This comes to question: What are we trying to protect? To be frank, we, apart from funeral directors and undertakers, are foreigners to the department of dealing with the dead. We can only sympathize, suffer, and inquire.
Works Cited
- Jokinen, Tom. Curtains. 1st ed. Philadelphia, PA: Da Capo Press, 2010. 1-279. Print
For Leah (T/W Group Member),
I wish I could express more empathy with this post but, I have not had as many care of the dead experiences as you have had. Nonetheless, I admire your courage to describe how you felt while looking at your grandfather's dead body in line 9 of paragraph 1, "Looking at him in the coffin was so unnatural just by the fact it wasn't 'him'. When I visited him in the hospital and saw his body there, it was completely different seeing him all dressed up." I would've have liked your writing much more if you had defined what unnatural was and gave your reasoning for putting the word him in quotation marks. Why was the dead body no longer the person you once you knew? This is an important question to answer because it puts the reader in perspective on terms of the definitions you establish, which will make your thoughts more concise.
In light of other aspects of your posts, I like the fact that you bring up several interesting questions. However, instead of listing one after another, spend some time focusing on one specific question so your thoughts are more insights than bubbles.
One thing that I must stress is Proofreading. Proofreading will do wonders to writing. Little grammatical errors will do no justice to your writing so, please watch out for those small errors (i.e. basic punctuation, spelling mistakes, and incorrect noun usage) - Clarify who you are talking about in each sentence, "then"is vague when a group of people is not mentioned before the "then." Also, work on your transitions so your writing is more coherent.
Nice work. I hope that you take my feedback to heart and I'll be glad to read your future posts.
For Abdul (T/W Group Member),
Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine that your emotions at the age of 9 were very raw and influential. I've actually never heard a story quite like the one you mentioned in your first paragraph. The act of going to another's house to choose mementos seems odd to me...I wonder why you chose to use "clean up" as a euphemism - it would have been interesting if you had explained why you subconsciously used the euphemism. I really liked your use of detail in line 7 of paragraph 1, "That was the last time I ever saw him alive. Now while in school doing a play called Little Shop Of Horrors I got a notice to leave immediately and go straight home." You created a clear scene in my mind that somehow seems very familiar but I am not sure why.
I feel as if I can connect to the whole concept of having to be struck with news of a dying relative as a young adolescent. All that seems to be necessary to do is to cry over and over. Please clarify this sentence: "If you see one you should call the cops immediately, and that they can never come back to life in their physical bodies again." It doesn't make sense to me according to the context of the short paragraph written.
Although vague, the $11,000 you mentioned was interesting. To think that giving peace to the dead would be priceless - who thought? The number certainly was thought-provoking and you should've furthered your ideas on that topic. You could've asked yourself: "What makes the seeing off of the dead worth the $11,000 cost? When does the cost become negligible?"
----Great Post. I look forward to reading more of your work.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Ly (Substitute T/W Group Member), I understand about your mom and her being into "wholeness". My family would agree with her, but to a different degree.
In Vietnam, we have a small dinner to moan for the dead. One for EACH. A bit weird, but it seemed more like a party, a celebration to me. And this goes with their funerals were super-colorful.
Anyway, at the end of the day, my mom always burned paper that looked like money, clothes, shoes, motorcycle (!), etc. The things that we use when we are alive. And one significant point if that she emphasis on burning EVERYTHING, a whole. We believe that what is broken on this side, will be fixed on the other.
I agree with you on the point “What qualifications must a human intervention fit? When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I guess the answer to this would differ for everyone because it would depends on where they are from, how they were raised, etc.
This leads me to my suggestions to make your article better.
I would like a more clear opinion of yours on how the dead should be treated?
With such polarized idea about treating the dead between your mom and sister, which do you think has a more pull?
Have you ever thought about how a person interpreted and inherited history impacted their opinion?
Overall, I like how you use two generation, that is your mom and sister, to give their opinion about something that has existed as long as....you get the idea. In addition, it sort of imply on how people minds evolved over time and how the dead will be treated in the future.
From Davendra (Substitute T/W Group Member), I like the fact that you interviewed your family. As you said it gave you a chance to see a bit into the Chinese culture. I also had a small look into it as well. I find it interesting how culture influences one's views of something like caring for the dead. I also found the difference between the response of your mother and sister interesting. It was nice to see the how answers differ between generation.
I like one of the questions you raised in your last paragraph. "When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” I believe it would be interesting to investigate into this.
Like Alina had said I think it would be interesting to see your views on cremation and burial and how your family, and cultural position influence that.
From Henry (Mentor),
While there is no single line that I believe can be called the greatest, I think that a very thought provoking thing for me is looking at these two together: "Cremation promises only ashes to be put in an urn – one that has no specific or permanent place on earth," and "Stephanie reasons that if we manifest love and have a desire to provide a seeing off for our dead loved ones, the act of disposing of the body is no longer a human intervention." These two lines sum up the ideas of the two interviewees and, upon examination, are opposite of the views that I not only hold in my own mind, but what I have always assumed are held by the majority.
This of course made me think. As you mentioned, your mothers ideas are based on the culture she came from, but of course children base their ideas of of those of their parents, leading to Stephanie's ideas. I say this simply because while you portray the ideas as different, to someone like me they seem completely similar. I don't believe in any sort of heaven, soul, reincarnation, etc. Because of this (which is most plausibly based on my parent's atheistic/agnostic beliefs), I view dead bodies as simply that - lifeless hunks of meat left to the closest relation to deal with. As soon as brain waves stop, there is no longer any personality contained with that physical form. And because of that, I believe that no action is any more moral than the next in terms of taking care of the dead body.
To see that, in your family, at least 2 members believe that there are certain restrictions on what defines human intervention and whether human intervention is wrong or not is extraordinary to me.
One thing that would make this post a bit more interesting would be analysis of the standards in various places. I would like to see how the dead are normally treated in the birth countries of each interviewee to compare their ideas on death to.
The thoughts I most agree with are displayed in paragraph two of your analysis. You talk about burial being not just for the dead, but for the people who have to deal with the dead. This is what I believe all burial is based on. Even in your mothers ideas about death, the reason that she cares about a person being buried in the proper manner, I would assume, is so that she can feel happy to know that this wholeness was maintained. I don't mind that people are buried for this, because it makes the bury-ers feel satisfied. I believe that all rituals are based around this idea of closure with the dead.
From Alina (Protege), As always, I think you did a great job in analyzing your interviewees thought process and their beliefs behind what they were saying. The questions you ask are really insightful and make me think about how your post can be related to my own life.
"My mother describes this safe place to be a nice resting area – one that is forever in the ownership of the dead. To me, forever is a word that should not be used lightly because it carries a sort of high hope. However, forever promises a more ungraspable desire than a materialistic one."
I think the short excerpt from your post that I pasted above really says a lot about the many ways of interpreting one particular thing. It not only creates a contrast between the way different people can interpret burial, but also between the ways that people can interpret "forever". I liked that a lot and it made me think of my convictions on a different level.
The part of your blog that I could relate to the most was the ideas your sister was presenting you with, as I do agree with her on certain things, i.e. not thinking of cremation as a negative thing or her view on how burial is actually an intervention by the human race. Even though I have never had anyone in my family or as far as I know, distant ancestry cremated, I remain with the belief that it does not have to be seen as an ugly thing and can on the contrary, be seen as something beautiful.
I would like to hear what your thoughts on cremation and burial are and how your mother and sister have influenced your beliefs in your life.
The things you write about are inspiring, keep up the work!
The first interview I conducted was with my sister, Stephanie. Her interview was recorded onto a word document and can be viewed and downloaded at the link below:
The second interview I conducted was with my mother, who requested that her name not be online. Her interview was recorded onto a MP3 file. You can download the MP3 file and listen to the interview at the link below: (Forewarning: My mother preferred to speak in Cantonese because it was much easier for her to answer the questions. I will quote and translate the most interesting things she says in my analysis.)
(If the bar where you can press play and listen to the interview does not show up immediately, please refresh the page and allow for it to buffer before pressing play again.)
Succinct Summary
I dreaded interviewing my family on their perspectives on the Care of the Dead because I didn’t want to relive any funeral stories they had, in fear of feeling guilty about not understanding the inevitable emotional hurt or suffering that came along with death rituals (funerals, memorials, wake, and annual visiting of the grave). Despite my mere apprehension, I decided that evaluating and observing my family’s perspectives on death would allow me to better understand care of the dead practices and its underlying beliefs in Chinese culture, a culture that I have unfortunately not pursued as much as I should. My mother, often mentioning her age as a reason for her beliefs, says,
“In Chinese culture, we have a belief. The body and life start out a whole – one entire body. If it starts out that way then it should end that way as well. It should be buried as a whole because it started out a whole…Each dead body should be given a unit – a section – to have peace where his or hers family members and friends can visit. Burial provides a safe permanence where a body will always have its place. In cremation, the body is destroyed – it is not whole anymore.”
Cremation promises only ashes to be put in an urn – one that has no specific or permanent place on earth. My mother reasons cremation gives the dead less significance and opportunity to be “with” the living in a safe place. A safe place is important because it represents the dead body’s spirit and a guarantee of a good sleep.
My sister, on the other hand, says that cremation doesn’t need to be looked at negatively because “to some people, the body is materialistic while the soul is the essence of the body…Any way of disposing of the dead can be considered a human intervention if someone looks at the way to care for the dead in a way that does not manifest love.” Stephanie reasons that if we manifest love and have a desire to provide a seeing off for our dead loved ones, the act of disposing of the body is no longer a human intervention. By the standards she defines a human intervention to require, human intervention is bad.
Analysis
After reading over my mother’s most insightful thought about the body as a whole, I wondered to my self: “What does it mean to be whole? Why is it important that we begin the same way and end the same way?” I believe that my mom’s desire to have this consistency in the world of life of death – to begin the same and end the same – derives from her wanting to mitigate change. By mitigate change, I mean that it allows for us to feel like the dead are still with us and their memories and life live on through us. A whole can represent the physical form some may want to preserve because the original physical form allows us to feel the essence of the body, which once walked along with the living. Destroying a person’s original physical form is equivalent to destroying their nature – the experiences that they had. The people in our society hold fast to that idea because we value memory. Valuing memory goes hand in hand with protecting memory; therefore, burying the body as whole, however you may define it be, lets the dead leave and rest gracefully in a safe place. My mother describes this safe place to be a nice resting area – one that is forever in the ownership of the dead. To me, forever is a word that should not be used lightly because it carries a sort of high hope. However, forever promises a more ungraspable desire than a materialistic one. A gravesite – a unit paid for by the dead person’s family member – is a new home for the dead.
Following my mother’s interview analysis, the beliefs behind my sister’s interview must now unfold. I inform my sister of the assumption that maybe Neanderthals buried their dead simply because they exuded an awful smell and not because the living wanted to let the dead have an easy path towards the next step after life. My sister responds with a certain disposition and says that burying the dead is surely a human intervention with a few exceptions. While I marvel and let her thought marinate in my mind, I ask myself: “What qualifications must a human intervention fit? When does an act become atrocious or beautiful?” Some may say that to care for the dead without intentions of manifesting love is cruel but, it is an act that will benefit someone nonetheless and I believe that is certainly one of main goals in the infrastructure created to deal with death. We bury the dead not only to allocate a place for them but also to help us cope with emotional turmoil. Is it selfish to want to “intervene” in order to alleviate the pain of another? In my opinion, intervention can be selfish. I wonder that if the tears that splash on our faces on the days our loved ones are buried, are to help us or to show the dead we mourn. My sister’s believes that if love finds its way into care of the dead practices, interventions are no longer bad or selfish. Love is necessary in the process of dealing with the dead. In light of this, I ask: “How much love can compensate for death? When are actions dealing with the dead justified as necessary?”
