HW 51 - Second Third of COTD Book

Precis

       The funeral process is not to alleviate the dead but to give closure to the living by providing a service to accommodate the memory picture - somewhat of a celebration of life.  Each person at a funeral service has his or hers own role that is incorporated into the social script of dealing with grief - a sure sign of weakness in our society.  We've created sacred care of the dead customs around religion to remind ourselves that death is not the end and also, new customs are being made in light of the fact that each person's life is as important as that of the last.  We celebrate life in respect and fear of the dead, both things that most in the corporate funeral business have lost sight of.

Handful of Short Quotes that I Enjoyed

- "We're no longer part of a community of believers, but a marginally organized tribe of individuals, where each life story is as important as the next" (Jokinen 146).

- "There is far more profit in creating memories and keepsakes than in caskets" (Jokinen 141).

- "Still, why, in a tough economy, would I pay to mourn in his Committal Space with coffee and dainties and a quick scattering in the rose garden when I've got my own rose garden at home? I'm no longer bound by tradition and religious strictures, or the physical fact of the body...there's not much to distinguish one set of ashes from another: cremated remains are cremated remains, even after hand sorting" (Jokinen 130).

- "Neil thinks it matters to people that the bag they get back is as close to pure former-human being as us Factory monkeys can make it.  That's why he charges more than the local deep-discount bake-and-shakers.  It's the difference between a silk tie and clip-on" (Jokinen 120)

Analysis 

       The second third of Curtains was not a grain short of detail.  After the dignity that those in the care of the dead business must protect, grieving comes next.  It's quite true that grieving is stigmatized in our society - it's said to be a sign of weakness.  Sometimes people at funerals slip and cry out of cue, when others haven't even shed a tear yet.  It's an unfortunate social script we follow in order to help us cope with the "unreachable" dead.  What's interesting is how the social script acts as a competition between family members.  Some may say that to look at the protocol we use to deal with death this way is disrespectful because it may make a person's honest mourning seem like a facade.  Don't be mistaken - this is far from what I am trying to persuade you of.  Jokinen says, 

"Grief is mixed up with guilt and shame and the dynamics of family politics.  Sons and daughters will compete for the role of Most Crushed by the Loss, they'll fight over the menu for the reception as if  it's the dead man's estate...families do what's expected of them.  They follow a social script" (Jokinen 116).

After having read this sentence, I took a step back and viewed our motives as mourners differently.  It is certain that we cry mostly because we are sad but, to say we cry for a another, less admirable, reason is to lose respect for the dead.  We are a selfish species, one that will make whatever efforts necessary to make death "rendered powerless" (Jokinen 144).  It is difficult to face death rituals because they consist of "genuine human connection, truth, sadness, and, yes, humor" (Jokinen 145).  Humor is a tough thing to scavenge in the event that a person dies.  Frankly, if you look at the sales pitches the care of the dead businesses make, the humor presents itself.  What's more corny and ridiculous than over expensive urns with a variety of motifs and the huggable urn (plush toy, in which you can place the ashes in)?  I'm not trying to offend the way people choose to grieve but, there are sure weird ways of grieving and of making profits in the corporate industry of death.

Works Cited

- Jokinen, Tom. Curtains. 1st ed. Philadelphia, PA: Da Capo Press, 2010. 1-279. Print